Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Do you know how to drive this thing?”
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I’m home!
Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?A: We don’t know. Never happens.
You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
Borrow money from pessimists–they don’t expect it back
What is the thinnest book in the world? What Men Know About Women.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.
If you jogged backward … would you gain weight?